My 2nd Blog because I am Excessive.

Cityscapes

Factories turned into projects into grey apartment buildings. Driving into the city wasn’t, never had been, scenic. As the buildings became more convoluted, the sun set and the sky was dark and the windows glowed yellow and white. People like looking at cityscapes, but it isn’t because they’re beautiful. It’s because they like thinking about all the people under all those shining lights. People like big numbers and people like awe. Cityscapes aren’t about beauty, they’re about awe, she thought as she drove under the overpass. Thinking about the stars and the universe is maybe similar, but it feels scary and empty and small. Thinking about cities feels right because you can be there.

                Money into the meter, turn the knob. As a kid this was the most fun; this was responsibility but it made a clink and the little dial on the meter would move. Now the little dials were digital. The digital numbers were never enough time. When they run out, they blink zeroes so the meter maid, or I guess there is a more politically correct name now, leaves a ticket under the wiper. And so she put in all the quarters it took, and she had more, but the numbers wouldn’t budge higher. The time would run out and she would be holding more quarters a half mile away, but she wouldn’t be able to add them and would hope for luck.

                She headed down the street to the “lesbian coffee shop.” She never actually remembered what it was called. She just always went there after concerts, because there’s only a Dunkin’ Donuts by the Orpheum and it’s cliché to hang out in Harvard Square, even if you’re coming from Passim’s. It was worth going here because there was always parking and there were hipsters to mock or envy. Sitting at a table, through the window, that was him, wasn’t it? He’d grown a beard this past week, and it definitely looked stupid.

                Drawing closer, the girl sticks her tongue out and crosses her eyes through the window, hoping to catch his attention. He looks up, and the beard still looks stupid, but those aren’t actually his eyes or nose or mouth under the scruff. She walks in and walks past avoiding his eyes and humiliation burns. She orders a cup of tea, and heads to the back forgetting her change. The woman with the buzz cut calls her back and gives her a crumpled dollar stamped with “Where’s George?” She had always thought to look it up, to plug that stamped number into a website and find out where it’s been, but always forget or spent the dollar or didn’t care.

                She checks her watch, and it takes a minute to recognize the minute from the hour hand. Fashion over function, because a cell phone usually suffices nowadays, but her cell phone was dropped into a swimming pool three days ago.

                Forty-five minutes, forty-five minutes of staring around at the posters for queer nights at different clubs. And flipping through a free newspaper, mostly ads for phone sex. The people never looked like their pictures; if they did, they would probably have pursued a more promising career in the sex industry. But she figured the callers ignored or didn’t mind this truth, and just liked talking to somebody. So she left and poured out the rest of the over-steeped tea. She walked back and there was no ticket; there was an extra five minutes that someone else could use. Driving back she knew there had been a few texts that he would claim sending, even though she told him her phone was broken. Or maybe there would be an e-mail the next day if he remembered. She wouldn’t cry because there was no reason, of course. It was a nice evening out, it’s nice to spend time alone and sip tea at a coffee shop. The city lights were blurry though. The radio was painfully loud, and it hurt but she couldn’t turn it down, and the city lights were still there all orange and yellow.

First Blog Post! (The other two are tests..)

Well

this website is extraordinarily difficult to understand

but that is okay.

Do not feel guilty if you skim through my blog, because I have a long rant to make and work out that i am going to write here, because i need to write it somewhere permanent and always feel awkward writing in a diary/whatever, and my other blog is read by a bunch of home friends.

WHat is going on with my life? WELL I have hung out with my friends and had laughter and tears with my family which is nice. Tonight we are going to put the tree up. We got a foot or a foot-and-a-half of snow which has made driving/life difficult and trapped me inside the house for a little while. And the roads are still horrible days later. And we lost power while watching Real Housewives of Orange County as a family, argghhh.

I have some annoying friend drama and this is a good non-biased place I can rant. One group of friends is being very aggressive about making plans for New Years Eve, and I think it’s because they’re afraid of having what they consider a “pathetic” or uncool night or whatever. While honestly I would be fine going to a nice dinner — opening a bottle of champagne — and having a slumber party, they are being so aggressive about making super cool plans, or finding a party to go to, that i’m finding it very annoying. and I know the nice night we could have, will be ruined by these crazy expectations. oh and of course they are very possessive and jealous about me potentially not spending NYE with them.

AND so. my other group of friends. they don’t mind/understand if i don’t spend NYE with them, mostly because they understand that it is just a night that people hang out on. they have an actual party to go to, that i can go to, but i don’t want to because of that group, i like the guys but not the girls[who are theatre snobs~!], and then would have to deal with the girls (other than the two girls in the group that are my BFFLS.).

so my options are.

i could ditch needy friends, because although i don’t have a great need to go to this NYE party, needy friends are being so needy and will be so disappointed and depressing that i won’t want to deal with it. but then i will deal with their wrath.

i could spend night with needy friends and be sucked into their horrible depressingness.

i could spend night with needy firends and somehow get them to shut up and have fun!

and the last option is what i think i will do.

but i am still annoyed at them for being so needy and obsessive about finding a party etc etc etc. because i just want to be like I CAN GO TO A PARTY BUT I AM SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH YOU, as long as you won’t say all these pathetic things etc etc [because i’m not obsessive about going to a party!] which is essentially rooted in me feeling superior which is wrong but true in terms of this because they are being so pathetic and depressing.

i am mostly annoyed that people’s jealousy etc is imposing on my relaxing wonderful break!

on a better note that is less annoying and ranty! a steady diet of sugar cookies and sushi has returned my digestive system to regularity. excellent.

though i have to write down everything i eat for my cardiologist (i have genetically very high cholesterol that i am trying to lower to some degree with diet/exercise to prolong medication as long as possible!) and he is going to be liek WTF?? because while at school i do the 3 square meals thang, at home i subsist on weird amounts of weird foods that i find in my house.

i leave for israel in a couple weeks and i am having second thoughts, i feel like i would rather just stay home, and not have to make friends/hike/party/shop/etc.

OK BYE

hi